Blessed Infertility

Guest Author: Melissa Clevenger There are days when I feel so empty and my life feels pointless. There are days when I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do and who I am supposed to be. After all, I'm a married woman and my home is meant to be full of the sounds of little feet running pitter patter while little voices sing made up tunes, right?

It's a feeling shared by couples everywhere who haven't been given the blessing of fertility in their home. We ache for the ability to love a child of our own. We dream of the way life would be with them. We talk about how we would raise them and what we would name them. But at the end of the day, we are left with heartbreak instead of children.

This is for all the struggling infertile couples. This is for those who don't understand life for the struggling infertile couples. This is because my heart needs to let it out.

1. If you are unable to bear children, remember that those who do have children are not your enemy.

The married couples who are bringing children into this world have been given a God-given right to do so. They deserve all the excitement we can muster. I know it's not always easy. I know it hurts. However, they aren't intentionally hurting you nor do those children deserve our ill feelings. They are little blessings of joy that will spill over into anyone's life who allows it. Be happy for them and you'll find it hurts a little less.

2. If you are unable to bear children, remember that there are still children who can benefit from your love.

They might not be your children, but being an aunt, an uncle, a friend and a guide are all important roles in this life. A child somewhere needs you to fill a special role in their life. I know you want to be called "momma" and "daddy." I know your strong desire is to raise your own children. In the meantime though, your time is not wasted when you share that love with someone else's child. Every child needs as much love as they can get and you might be just who they need.

3. If you are unable to bear children, don't blame it on your spouse.

I know fertility has the uncanny knack of driving couples apart but it doesn't have to do that in your marriage. Infertility isn't a his or her problem because you are one flesh now. Infertility affects you both in different ways but together you are infertile. You have this chance now to comfort your spouse in his/her pain which will bring you so much closer as a couple. You are in this together. You need to cry together when it hurts, talk together when it's too much to bear and laugh together when you're ready to move on to brighter days. God knows you both can handle this together!

4. If you are unable to bear children, remember that God's timing is not your own and that He knows every tear you cry for a child.

I don't know the number of tears we have shed over our lack of children but God knows every single tear that has fallen from our eyes. He has felt our pain and endured it for us. He has shown us that His plan is not our plan. When I feel like my life is pointless because I have no children, I have to remind myself that I'm not letting God have control over my life. God can use me but it might not be exactly the way I want it right now. Whether the future holds adoption or foster care or simply living a faithful life in His service, I don't know yet. I do know that when I place all my hurt into His hands, He will provide for me a full life with meaning and purpose. He won't leave me crying and empty. I won't tell you it's easy to accept because we know that's not true. I will tell you that God will fill that void in our hearts. I don't know how for you and I don't know how for me. But if we keep relying on Him, He will make us whole. Open your hearts while you deal with the pain. Let yourself think outside the box and explore areas in which your life can be abundant in Him. Don't give up just because it's not happening your way. God's way is always better. Do you believe that?

There are days when I forget. I let Satan tell me my life isn't worth anything if I don't have my own children. I cry, I hurt, I make myself miserable looking at the lives of others with their houses full of littles which I desperately want for my own. That's no way to go through life though. My life will truly be a waste if that's what I consume myself with day in and day out. Instead, I can pour my heart into my husband who can never have too much love and care. I can share my intense love for littles by being an aunt and a friend to all the adorable children who come in and out of my life. I can make sure my life is an example of true Christianity so that God can use me as He desires.

Infertility is a trial, no doubt. It's a painful trial of this carnal life. But infertility can show you a whole new life of service that you never might have known otherwise. It can bring you closer to God when you cling to Him during those tough days and nights. Infertility can show you patience, trust, compassion and more. You just have to be willing and open to explore options, to try alternatives and endure emotional roller coasters. No one asks for infertility but that doesn't mean it can't bring beautiful blessings when powered by the hand of the Almighty. God is THAT good!

Editor's Note: This post was originally published on the author's personal blog.

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