Obituary: Passionate Reasoned Debate (?-2016)

Family and Friends, We are gathered here today to mourn the passing and remember the life of Mr. Passionate Reasoned Debate. P. R. Debate was born many centuries ago in an exact time and place that is unknown. At various times, he was thought to have had his roots in Egypt, Edom, Israel, and other locales in greater Mesopotamia. But we know that his adolescent years were spent in Greece in the rather illustrious company of Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle.

Mr. Debate was known for his eager arguments and good humor. Mr. Debate was very opinionated, yet always considerate of his opposition. On more than one occasion, Mr. Debate was known to make a joke at his own expense whenever the tone of a particular discussion was becoming just a tad tense. Mr. Debate loved ideas and principles and theories, but more than those, he loved truth and people, and he was always endeavoring to show his great appreciation for both.

P. R. Debate endured a troubling season of absence during what is known as the Dark Ages, but he roared back with a Renessaince and eventually established a base in the Americas. He could be spotted in log cabins and pulpits and town halls across the early United States. One of his most notable appearances was at the famed Lincoln-Douglas debates of the mid-19th century.

Since the 1960s, however, Mr. Debate had fallen into very poor health as a result of mistreatment at the hands of two long-standing enemies, Mr. Fall A. Cie and Mrs. Over Lee Sensitive. In more recent years, Mr. Debate had received a warm welcome from churches but had been evicted recently over an unfortunate misunderstanding involving hurt feelings and darkened hearts. It is rumored in the community that Mr. Debate, though in poor health, actually suffocated to death by being smothered by a pillow. A donkey, an elephant, and a church deacon were seen surreptitiously leaving Mr. Debate's home around the time of his passing.

Mr. Debate never sought to belittle or humiliate anyone. He excelled at separating himself from his ideas, convictions, and opinions, and he always extended the same courtesy to others. He was gentle, kind, and had a heart of gold. At times, Mr. Debate's demeanor was slandered as being fake, but those who knew him best realized that respect might as well have been his middle name. Those who knew Mr. Debate understood that sincerity was a natural part of his character.

But Mr. Debate was also known for his passion whenever he would talk about ideals, convictions, and opinions. Mr. Debate believed that conviction and kindness were not concepts that were mutually exclusive. If anything ever disappointed Mr. Debate, it was a conviction that wasn't held passionately, but rather tentatively so. He knew, arguably more than the rest of us, that passionately-held ideals, convictions, and opinions have the ability to change the world. Mr. Debate saw a lot of evil in the world, and he wanted to change it. At an early age, he realized that changing the world begins with changing minds and then hearts. Some of his detractors ascribed evil motives to his intensity, but this was simply neither fair nor true.

Mr. Debate never met a true enemy, but that doesn't mean Mr. Debate was universally loved. Some didn't know how to take him; others were scared off, mistaking Mr. Debate for his evil twin, Dr. Ino It All, and his second-cousin, Ad Hominem, Esq., both of whom were estranged from Mr. Debate for several years.

Mr. P. R. Debate leaves behind a rich legacy of kindness, moral fortitude, deep conviction, and humility. He will be greatly missed, in churches, colleges, and dinner tables from sea to shining sea, especially as another election approaches in the United States.

Mr. Debate is survived by various family members and long-time friends, including Truth, Jelly Beans, and Kid President. He is preceded in death by Paul of Tarsus, Abraham Lincoln, C.S. Lewis, and Yogi Berra.

Mr. Passionate Reasoned Debate will be greatly missed.